Courage

Continuing with the Serenity Prayer, then, we look at the next line:  Courage to change the things I can


Change.  Is there anything we resist more strongly?  Probably most of the people who come to me are motivated by changes in their lives - changes they want to evade, changes they want to implement, changes they fear. Often, the situation they wish to improve has been worsened by their resistance to the changes that are facing them. 

I am reminded of a woman whose husband wanted a divorce.  She fought him every way she could.  She tried to save the marriage, but he was unwilling to do so as he felt he belonged with another woman.  By the time she came to me, she was exhausted mentally and physically.  Her stress level was through the roof.  She was feeling unhappy and hopeless as she posed her question to me: What must she do to save her marriage?

She described her daily life - the fighting, the tears, the simmering resentment of their teenaged child who wanted all of it to be over and was ready for the father to leave. I asked her to consider what would happen if she were unable to prevent the divorce, to picture what her days would be like.

It was an interesting exercise for her, as she'd been so invested in the status quo that she had failed to consider any other way of living.  She considered her child's greater peace and her own as she gave up the fight.  She considered living in a condo or apartment instead of their large, luxurious home.  She considered returning to school to study an area of great interest.  She left with a different perspective, free of the desperation that had prompted her visit.

After prayerful reflection, she agreed to the divorce and received a fair settlement.  When I spoke to her again, a year or two later, she had sold the house, relocated with her child, and had completed a course of study for licensing in a field she enjoyed.  She was far happier than she had been in many years.

I have observed the same thing in my own life - when I embraced a change I initially resisted, I discovered the good it brought to me. Like my friend, I found I was far happier after the admittedly uncomfortable transition than I had been for some time.

It takes courage to embrace the new in our lives because we instinctively fear what is unknown.  We cling to known pain because it is familiar.  We know we can deal with it.  When the new appears on the horizon, we are filled with concern.  Will we be able to handle it?  What if we don't like it?  What if we do?

Yes, what if we DO?  Even small changes contain the seeds of great transformation.  A hobby can reveal a talent that takes us into new territory, and that possibility can give us pause.

But whether we fear failure or success, regardless of how we resist, change comes to us all.  How can we navigate our life's course gracefully?

With grace, of course.  By acknowledging God with us as we journey on, we can find peace as we need move steadily forward. Like all things, change works for good in our lives if we trust God.  When we actively search for the good in the changes that present, fear loses its grip.

Over time, as we invite God into our transitions - not to help us avoid them but to help us understand them - we learn to trust the flow of life.  We learn to live with change, and even though we may never become fully comfortable with it, we can celebrate God's goodness being revealed through the changing landscape of our lives. 
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