Our Father who art in Heaven,
Hallowed be thy name;
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread;
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us;
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
Matthew 6:9-13
Oh, dear, oh dear. There's that nasty word again: forgive.
Is there anything less human than to forgive? Nothing in our makeup disposes us to forgiveness. Even a two-year-old is quick to slap back when crossed. Little ones are quick to pout and sulk when they are displeased. Parents know that retaliation is swift and strong when their toddlers are denied their wishes. Playtime can quickly turn into a battlefield when youngsters disagree.
Kids grow up, though, and good parents teach them to share, to compromise, to understand the feelings of others, to understand, to let bygones be bygones. Those are important lessons. Childhood and adolescence are difficult enough without adding all the pain and drama of unhappy relationships to the mix.
Good parents know that there is power in 'No' and that too much 'Yes' can be frighteningly destructive to a child's development. So good parents teach their children to be flexible.
We all want our children to be happy, so we teach them that life will not always be easy and pleasant, that people will hurt or anger them and sometimes that is intentional, and that despite all, things will get better and life is good. Unless we choose otherwise, of course.
Because we get to choose. Those choices determine the degree of happiness we allow into our lives.
We all know people who face shattering disappointments, incredible challenges, crushing failures. Some of those people become bitter, complaining and rehashing the endless laundry list of the affronts life and others have thrown their way. Some become aggrieved, bemoaning the heartlessness of people and the unhappiness of their lives (NB: this is not a reference to clinical depression). Some find a way to be happy through it all, retaining a lively interest in others and an optimistic certainty that things are good and will get even better.
There is no mystery here. Choices have consequences.
Forgiveness is a choice. We can choose to remain angry with God, with people, with life itself...and we probably have good reasons to do so. We hurt! We didn't deserve this! We try so hard, and this is so unfair!
Some, and perhaps all, of that is absolutely true. The point, though, is that when we remain locked in our unhappiness and loss, we lock in the pain we want to escape.
Remember Moonstruck, that old movie so often rerun on late night tv? In one scene, Ronny (the character played by Nicholas Cage) explains to Loretta (played by Cher) why he and his brother have been estranged all these years. He hold up his wooden hand, exclaiming, "I lost my hand, I lost my bride! Johnny has his hand, Johnny has his bride! You come in here and you want me to put away my heartbreak and forget?"
Hallowed be thy name;
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread;
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us;
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
Matthew 6:9-13
Oh, dear, oh dear. There's that nasty word again: forgive.
Is there anything less human than to forgive? Nothing in our makeup disposes us to forgiveness. Even a two-year-old is quick to slap back when crossed. Little ones are quick to pout and sulk when they are displeased. Parents know that retaliation is swift and strong when their toddlers are denied their wishes. Playtime can quickly turn into a battlefield when youngsters disagree.
Kids grow up, though, and good parents teach them to share, to compromise, to understand the feelings of others, to understand, to let bygones be bygones. Those are important lessons. Childhood and adolescence are difficult enough without adding all the pain and drama of unhappy relationships to the mix.
Good parents know that there is power in 'No' and that too much 'Yes' can be frighteningly destructive to a child's development. So good parents teach their children to be flexible.
We all want our children to be happy, so we teach them that life will not always be easy and pleasant, that people will hurt or anger them and sometimes that is intentional, and that despite all, things will get better and life is good. Unless we choose otherwise, of course.
Because we get to choose. Those choices determine the degree of happiness we allow into our lives.
We all know people who face shattering disappointments, incredible challenges, crushing failures. Some of those people become bitter, complaining and rehashing the endless laundry list of the affronts life and others have thrown their way. Some become aggrieved, bemoaning the heartlessness of people and the unhappiness of their lives (NB: this is not a reference to clinical depression). Some find a way to be happy through it all, retaining a lively interest in others and an optimistic certainty that things are good and will get even better.
There is no mystery here. Choices have consequences.
Forgiveness is a choice. We can choose to remain angry with God, with people, with life itself...and we probably have good reasons to do so. We hurt! We didn't deserve this! We try so hard, and this is so unfair!
Some, and perhaps all, of that is absolutely true. The point, though, is that when we remain locked in our unhappiness and loss, we lock in the pain we want to escape.
Remember Moonstruck, that old movie so often rerun on late night tv? In one scene, Ronny (the character played by Nicholas Cage) explains to Loretta (played by Cher) why he and his brother have been estranged all these years. He hold up his wooden hand, exclaiming, "I lost my hand, I lost my bride! Johnny has his hand, Johnny has his bride! You come in here and you want me to put away my heartbreak and forget?"
Time has moved on, but Ronny hasn't. He's still feeding the anger and pain of his double loss. In choosing to focus all his time and attention on the unfairness of it all, he has created a life of bitterness and resentment. His pain is unending because he refuses to .... forgive. To forgive Johnny, to whom he was speaking when his hand was severed. To forgive his fiancee, who left him after he was maimed. To forgive himself, for being distracted and moving his hand into harm's way. To forgive God, ultimately, because God let it happen, right?
He has honored the magnitude of his pain and loss, but what a price he has paid to do so!
Let's face it: people can be cruel beyond our darkest imagining. There are people who even enjoy the cruelty and suffering they inflict on others. Sometimes, on us.
Pain is real, and it can be tremendously excruciating. Anger and outrage are valid. But after the initial anger and outrage, we have a choice. We can stay there, becoming monuments to the injustice of it all, or we can forgive and move on.
Forgiveness is freeing. Forgiveness allows us to smile once more, to experience deep happiness and even joy. Forgiveness allows us to crawl under the rock that squashed us.
It isn't easy to do, but when we forgive, the relief is indescribable, like that of a woman removing a high-heeled shoe that has cramped her food all day. Sliding the foot from the shoe is not easy; the burst of pain that accompanies it is blinding. In just a second, though, the pain is overshadowed by a feeling of comfort that is as sweet and pleasurable as the pain was agonizing.
Forgiveness represents a choice for relief, for freedom, for happiness. Why choose to hang onto old pain?
He has honored the magnitude of his pain and loss, but what a price he has paid to do so!
Let's face it: people can be cruel beyond our darkest imagining. There are people who even enjoy the cruelty and suffering they inflict on others. Sometimes, on us.
Pain is real, and it can be tremendously excruciating. Anger and outrage are valid. But after the initial anger and outrage, we have a choice. We can stay there, becoming monuments to the injustice of it all, or we can forgive and move on.
Forgiveness is freeing. Forgiveness allows us to smile once more, to experience deep happiness and even joy. Forgiveness allows us to crawl under the rock that squashed us.
It isn't easy to do, but when we forgive, the relief is indescribable, like that of a woman removing a high-heeled shoe that has cramped her food all day. Sliding the foot from the shoe is not easy; the burst of pain that accompanies it is blinding. In just a second, though, the pain is overshadowed by a feeling of comfort that is as sweet and pleasurable as the pain was agonizing.
Forgiveness represents a choice for relief, for freedom, for happiness. Why choose to hang onto old pain?
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