And finally, we come to the end of the Serenity Prayer: And the wisdom to know the difference.
It's significant that wisdom is the final request of this prayer. Wisdom is one of the most powerful gifts we can ask of the Holy Spirit. Wisdom saves us from needless heartache and foolish missteps. And when it comes to changes we want to experience - or avoid - in our lives, wisdom is a priceless gift.
Knowing which changes lie within our power to create and which do not can be confusing. I wonder how much time I've wasted over my life trying to make changes that were not mine to make at all.
I am mindful of the woman I spoke of yesterday, trying so hard to make her marriage last when of course she couldn't. Her husband didn't want to make the change necessary to allow the marriage to continue, so her efforts were doomed to failure.
His attitude toward her and the marriage were not within her control. She achieved peace only when she changed what was under her control: herself.
How much grief do we experience over things we cannot control? We hear of a sad story somewhere in the world and grieve, ruining our day. We observe an act of unfairness and stew over it, simmering with anger and resentment.
Compassion and justice demand that we act, and yet we cannot send the flood back into the sea or force politicians to speak truly and act justly. Wisdom allows us to find meaningful actions to take and powerful ways to witness so that we can preserve our serenity even as we courageously follow in the footsteps of Christ.
Instead of grieving, we make a donation to whatever agency helps those whose suffering breaks our heart. Perhaps we do what we can to draw the world's attention to their plight. We pray, always, for their relief.
When we see injustice, we respond as we are able. We speak the truth without compromise. We cry foul again and again. We join with others to create a powerful witness, refusing to be silenced. We pray, of course, for justice for all.
When we come to the limit of our power, we let go, trusting that our efforts work for good even when we cannot see it. And knowing that they do, that even our most apparently-futile efforts bear fruit somehow, some way, is true wisdom.
****
Regarding Hurricane Isaac:
We ask that you join us in prayers for the people of Louisiana and Mississippi as they deal with the aftermath of Hurricane Isaac. This link will take you to the Red Cross donation page, where you can earmark your donation for Hurricane Isaac relief.
jean+
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Courage
Continuing with the Serenity Prayer, then, we look at the next line: Courage to change the things I can
Change. Is there anything we resist more strongly? Probably most of the people who come to me are motivated by changes in their lives - changes they want to evade, changes they want to implement, changes they fear. Often, the situation they wish to improve has been worsened by their resistance to the changes that are facing them.
I am reminded of a woman whose husband wanted a divorce. She fought him every way she could. She tried to save the marriage, but he was unwilling to do so as he felt he belonged with another woman. By the time she came to me, she was exhausted mentally and physically. Her stress level was through the roof. She was feeling unhappy and hopeless as she posed her question to me: What must she do to save her marriage?
She described her daily life - the fighting, the tears, the simmering resentment of their teenaged child who wanted all of it to be over and was ready for the father to leave. I asked her to consider what would happen if she were unable to prevent the divorce, to picture what her days would be like.
It was an interesting exercise for her, as she'd been so invested in the status quo that she had failed to consider any other way of living. She considered her child's greater peace and her own as she gave up the fight. She considered living in a condo or apartment instead of their large, luxurious home. She considered returning to school to study an area of great interest. She left with a different perspective, free of the desperation that had prompted her visit.
After prayerful reflection, she agreed to the divorce and received a fair settlement. When I spoke to her again, a year or two later, she had sold the house, relocated with her child, and had completed a course of study for licensing in a field she enjoyed. She was far happier than she had been in many years.
I have observed the same thing in my own life - when I embraced a change I initially resisted, I discovered the good it brought to me. Like my friend, I found I was far happier after the admittedly uncomfortable transition than I had been for some time.
It takes courage to embrace the new in our lives because we instinctively fear what is unknown. We cling to known pain because it is familiar. We know we can deal with it. When the new appears on the horizon, we are filled with concern. Will we be able to handle it? What if we don't like it? What if we do?
Yes, what if we DO? Even small changes contain the seeds of great transformation. A hobby can reveal a talent that takes us into new territory, and that possibility can give us pause.
But whether we fear failure or success, regardless of how we resist, change comes to us all. How can we navigate our life's course gracefully?
With grace, of course. By acknowledging God with us as we journey on, we can find peace as we need move steadily forward. Like all things, change works for good in our lives if we trust God. When we actively search for the good in the changes that present, fear loses its grip.
Over time, as we invite God into our transitions - not to help us avoid them but to help us understand them - we learn to trust the flow of life. We learn to live with change, and even though we may never become fully comfortable with it, we can celebrate God's goodness being revealed through the changing landscape of our lives.
jean+
Change. Is there anything we resist more strongly? Probably most of the people who come to me are motivated by changes in their lives - changes they want to evade, changes they want to implement, changes they fear. Often, the situation they wish to improve has been worsened by their resistance to the changes that are facing them.
I am reminded of a woman whose husband wanted a divorce. She fought him every way she could. She tried to save the marriage, but he was unwilling to do so as he felt he belonged with another woman. By the time she came to me, she was exhausted mentally and physically. Her stress level was through the roof. She was feeling unhappy and hopeless as she posed her question to me: What must she do to save her marriage?
She described her daily life - the fighting, the tears, the simmering resentment of their teenaged child who wanted all of it to be over and was ready for the father to leave. I asked her to consider what would happen if she were unable to prevent the divorce, to picture what her days would be like.
It was an interesting exercise for her, as she'd been so invested in the status quo that she had failed to consider any other way of living. She considered her child's greater peace and her own as she gave up the fight. She considered living in a condo or apartment instead of their large, luxurious home. She considered returning to school to study an area of great interest. She left with a different perspective, free of the desperation that had prompted her visit.
After prayerful reflection, she agreed to the divorce and received a fair settlement. When I spoke to her again, a year or two later, she had sold the house, relocated with her child, and had completed a course of study for licensing in a field she enjoyed. She was far happier than she had been in many years.
I have observed the same thing in my own life - when I embraced a change I initially resisted, I discovered the good it brought to me. Like my friend, I found I was far happier after the admittedly uncomfortable transition than I had been for some time.
It takes courage to embrace the new in our lives because we instinctively fear what is unknown. We cling to known pain because it is familiar. We know we can deal with it. When the new appears on the horizon, we are filled with concern. Will we be able to handle it? What if we don't like it? What if we do?
Yes, what if we DO? Even small changes contain the seeds of great transformation. A hobby can reveal a talent that takes us into new territory, and that possibility can give us pause.
But whether we fear failure or success, regardless of how we resist, change comes to us all. How can we navigate our life's course gracefully?
With grace, of course. By acknowledging God with us as we journey on, we can find peace as we need move steadily forward. Like all things, change works for good in our lives if we trust God. When we actively search for the good in the changes that present, fear loses its grip.
Over time, as we invite God into our transitions - not to help us avoid them but to help us understand them - we learn to trust the flow of life. We learn to live with change, and even though we may never become fully comfortable with it, we can celebrate God's goodness being revealed through the changing landscape of our lives.
jean+
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Continuing with the Serenity Prayer....
Today we take a look at the second line: to accept the things I cannot change.
The popular philosophies today stress personal power to create and change our lives. I certainly agree that we have tremendous power to do just that, and yet...there are indeed things we cannot change.
I remember a time, long ago, when I was a member of what we called a ‘spirit-filled’ or ‘charismatic’ prayer group at my church. Having received the baptism of the Holy Spirit, we were taught that our faith could indeed move mountains. When the mountains remained in place, we were chastised for our lack of faith. Older and hopefully wiser, I know now that those who chastised us had been poorly taught, but at the time, it was horrifying to be told that had my faith been stronger, this or that person would have received the answer we’d prayed they might.
Some things we cannot change. It’s that simple. The one who doesn’t love us cannot be forced into ardor. The job we have lost is gone, given to another or eliminated entirely. The pain we feel is genuine. The friend or loved one persists in that which we would have them stop doing. We cannot fix the situation, and we cannot demand it change to our satisfaction.
Everything in us wars against such ideas. We want to jam that square peg into that circular hole by sheer force of will. We will NOT accept this, we cry in our souls.
Now we need that serenity the Prayer asks of God, the peace that reminds us that the unhappiness of the moment is just that: the feeling of a moment. Moments pass, and if we allow it, so does our pain. How can we achieve this blessed peace?
Prayer, of course, is one path to peace. As we pour out our hearts to God or, perhaps even better, simply present ourselves before that loving God in wordless union, peace may come.
We can live in hope, trusting that good things come to those who wait on the Lord. We can trust that even in the unhappy moment, God is with us, working for good.
Perhaps the most radical path to the peace we seek is surrender. We simply yield. “Let go, let God,” as the saying goes. “Thy will be done.”
It is hard to give over so completely. Who wants to yield to the will of another, even when that other is God?
But oh, what blessed relief when we quit fighting a battle we cannot win! The freedom we gain through surrender has a sweetness all its own, a sweetness we can never know until we finally yield to Power greater than ours.
jean+
Today we take a look at the second line: to accept the things I cannot change.
The popular philosophies today stress personal power to create and change our lives. I certainly agree that we have tremendous power to do just that, and yet...there are indeed things we cannot change.
I remember a time, long ago, when I was a member of what we called a ‘spirit-filled’ or ‘charismatic’ prayer group at my church. Having received the baptism of the Holy Spirit, we were taught that our faith could indeed move mountains. When the mountains remained in place, we were chastised for our lack of faith. Older and hopefully wiser, I know now that those who chastised us had been poorly taught, but at the time, it was horrifying to be told that had my faith been stronger, this or that person would have received the answer we’d prayed they might.
Some things we cannot change. It’s that simple. The one who doesn’t love us cannot be forced into ardor. The job we have lost is gone, given to another or eliminated entirely. The pain we feel is genuine. The friend or loved one persists in that which we would have them stop doing. We cannot fix the situation, and we cannot demand it change to our satisfaction.
Everything in us wars against such ideas. We want to jam that square peg into that circular hole by sheer force of will. We will NOT accept this, we cry in our souls.
Now we need that serenity the Prayer asks of God, the peace that reminds us that the unhappiness of the moment is just that: the feeling of a moment. Moments pass, and if we allow it, so does our pain. How can we achieve this blessed peace?
Prayer, of course, is one path to peace. As we pour out our hearts to God or, perhaps even better, simply present ourselves before that loving God in wordless union, peace may come.
We can live in hope, trusting that good things come to those who wait on the Lord. We can trust that even in the unhappy moment, God is with us, working for good.
Perhaps the most radical path to the peace we seek is surrender. We simply yield. “Let go, let God,” as the saying goes. “Thy will be done.”
It is hard to give over so completely. Who wants to yield to the will of another, even when that other is God?
But oh, what blessed relief when we quit fighting a battle we cannot win! The freedom we gain through surrender has a sweetness all its own, a sweetness we can never know until we finally yield to Power greater than ours.
jean+
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
The Still Small Voice
God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
This little prayer is truly life-changing when you think of it. Not only is it the foundational prayer for all the 12-step groups, it can be a prayer that can assist each one of us in our daily lives. It is simple. It is effective. It is inspired.
Over the next few blogs, I will offer a reflection on how the use of this prayer can transform our every day world, how we can be empowered and stronger people because of its brilliant message.
Today, we begin with that first phrase:
"Lord, grant me the serenity"
Think about your life for a moment. Would you say that you feel peaceful and calm? Are you free of worry and fear? Are things going along the way you'd hoped?
If you are like most of us, there are stresses and stressors at play right now. It could be that you are worried about your job. Perhaps you are feeling that your primary relationship is in need of work. Money, health, family concerns.... there are very few of us who are living in a blissful state. :)
We long for that feeling of serenity - the absence of the push of fear in our stomach and the calm that comes when we are feeling peaceful and confident. It often feels elusive as we toss about on the waves of circumstances and situations flowing our way.
We live in a very unsettled world filled with uncertainties. As we hear the news and the plight of those who are experiencing war, struggle, violence, disease, discrimination and challenges, we can feel helpless and powerless. Peace in our world seems a long way off.
But there are ways that we can recover a sense of happiness and serenity even in the face of our greatest fears. We can invite peace into our lives even when we feel attacked and powerless.
We all know people who somehow transcend the most challenging circumstances. They share that the dread disease they experienced was a gift, or the loss they suffered gave them new perspective and insight they'd have otherwise missed. They have serenity even looking at the lion's mouth. They have peace even though danger seems ever-present.
How do they do it? How can they maintain this perspective when all seems dire or uncertain? How can they trust when all seems lost.
They know the value and the secrets contained within this little prayer as they untangle the flotsam and jetsom of their circumstance. They have discovered peace and serenity. And they know that with God, all things are truly possible.
And they are. For you too! Join me as we continue to unravel the lessons for us in this prayer.
+Deborah
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